An employee of the White House gift shop (yes, there is a gift shop in the White House. Classy!) approached me and another tour guest, both of us gawking at an artwork that looked egregiously out of place, as if someone clandestinely snuck a flea market find into the hallowed halls of the National Portrait … Continue reading
A square chunk of gaudy gold sits at the center of a low table, overpowering much of the other décor visible in the room—an inescapable brick of tacky opulence. One side reads in all-caps like your furious Boomer relative’s Facebook rant: TRUMP. On top is an ornate seal just out of view, obscured by the … Continue reading
“Is it the end of an era? Is it the end of America?” Lana Del Rey answers her own questions with a semi-confident, “No. its’ only the beginning…” But, now maybe the answer is: yes? Of course, I’m talking about the Trump fanatics’ attempted coup, siege, sedition, treason, trash insurrection, whatever you want to call … Continue reading
“Oh, fuck you! Those are heirlooms. My family heirlooms!” Wild-eyed and bunny-eared with her Appalachian drawl, Amy Adams’ Bev Vance delivers those lines with the pathos and conviction of a woman who just lost her cherished, long held inherited treasures, passed down from generation to generation of country folk. What are these heirlooms of which … Continue reading
Donald Trump isn’t a reality television show president. Or I guess I should say, he isn’t only a reality show president. Reality television is an unforgettable part of his rise, climbing to power through Apprentice boardroom meetings with weathered has-beens like Vince Neil, Gary Busey and Meatloaf, not to mention tacky tchotchkes and branded opportunities … Continue reading
“Yes folks, this isn’t any cheap X-rated movie or any 5th rate porno play, this is the show you want! Lady Divine’s cavalcade of perversions, the sleaziest show on Earth!…These assorted sluts, fags, dykes, pimps know no bounds! They have committed acts against God and nature, acts by their mere existence would make any decent … Continue reading
“To live in a country where you can take an ugly old mountain and put faces on it—faces of great Americans who did so much to make our country super great—well, that just makes me…proud to be an American!” No, this perversely patriotic phrase wasn’t uttered at one of Trump’s demented and near unintelligible Rose … Continue reading
I live with Trumpy Bear. Yes, the “I come when the Trumpet sounds. I am the Storm!” Trumpy Bear with a comb-over, a tragic tie, and an enormous American flag built into his back. The one from the commercials airing on Fox News that seem like an SNL skit (what doesn’t anymore?). My relationship with … Continue reading
Last week, The New York Times reported the oh-so-disappointing statistic that nobody is boinking in New York City’s glorious public parks anymore. The article cited the paltry statistics that the NYPD only wrote six tickets for “sex in park” last year, compared to 432 in 2007. Continue reading
Recently with our constant free-flowing shit show in American politics, I find myself thinking with surprising frequency: Fuck that shit, I’m going to space. Taken from a prevalent meme featuring a shark flying through the star-lined galaxy, my intergalactic daydreams of escape, star cruising into space never to look back, now have an articulated vision. … Continue reading