Dearest faithful Filthy Dreams readers,
We need your input.
Last night, at the height of the Super Tuesday madness, but before the anti-dairy protesters (Turns out the revolution that was coming was about cheese!), the Trump campaign sent out an email to its cult followers…I mean, supporters(!). After references to the LAMESTREAM MEDIA in a jarring and unsettling all-caps, bolded, underlined, italicized style that somehow translates the essence of a ransom note into email format, the campaign solicited responses to its Official Trump 2020 Super Tuesday Exit Poll.
What did this super important, crucially essential, life-or-death critical poll consist of, you ask? Only a deranged and exhausting set of thirty questions including:
Which do you identify as?
- American
- Socialist
Who will you vote for in November?
- President Trump
- A Big Government Socialist
Between these crackers questions and inquiries about how the president’s biggest fanatics feel about how he’s doing at his job DRAINING the SWAMP, the campaign also asked for opinions on the Democratic primary candidates. Oh you know the ones: Crazy Bernie Sanders, Mini Mike Bloomberg, Elizabeth ‘Pocahontas’ Warren, and of course, Quid Pro Joe Biden, a nickname the campaign may want to rethink since it just makes me think of the illegal, impeachable and quite possibly treasonous acts of our Great Leader.
Not to mention: How DARE he leave off our girl, Tulsi Gabbard? Didn’t SHE deserve an insulting nickname? She won a delegate, for Christ’s sakes!
Well, OUR opinions never seem to matter to these Trump polls that we tirelessly troll. I mean, our repeated demands for a White House press pass for Filthy Dreams via these polls have gone UNANSWERED (That’s how you become a member of the White House Press corps, right?).
With this in mind, we thought we’d revive our own polls (after our debut Mainstream Media Accountability Survey). Now, I know Filthy Dreams readers don’t naturally have the monomaniacal, wild-eye brain-melting feverish stamina of Trump supporters, but who does? Certainly not any of the Democrats! We’ve got things to do, cocktails to drink! Our poll is a bit shorter than Trump’s lengthy interrogation, but nevertheless, I’m sure a snort of Adderall would be a helpful boost. I mean, if it’s good enough for the President…
So in order to get to the TRUTH, we’re launching our Official Filthy Dreams 2020 Super Tuesday Exit Poll–the ONLY accurate exit poll out there–and our fearless co-founders have requested that we personally reach out to YOU to get input on what REAL Americans are thinking.
We’re sending them the FIRST round of responses in ONE HOUR, and we know they’ll want to see yours: