Oh, HO, HO, HO! Mary revelers! THANK GOD IT’S CHRISTMAS!! It’s time again to make Christmas…Christmas GREAT AGAIN! BEHAVE YOURSELF! SANTA CLAUS IS BACK IN TOWN! Red is definitely in season–as if it ever went out of style! We know what Santa wants (cookies), but don’t let Santa off the hook! BRING ME A MAN THIS CHRISTMAS!

We here at Filthy Dreams are concerned that the magic of Christmas, the joy that comes from watching the snow fall, the wonder that accompanies a shooting star, the magic that follows a good old-fashioned punch recipe, is gone. Gone. Gone?! No! It’s time to bring back the mistletoe! SANTA CLAUS WANTS SOME LOVING! It’s time to brush off the sleigh, and to polish the reindeer. It’s time to Make Christmas Great Again!

Yes, yes, we know; we know what you’re thinking (Santa Claus is here to stay!). MAGA. MAGA isn’t exactly queer-Christmas-friendly. Even though the MAGA man himself is one wig and beard away from a discount-Long Island-mall Santa! Or jail. Jail! Maybe Robert Mueller himself looks better in a mall Santa outfit! What would you say if you sat on Mueller Santa’s lap? (SANTA, PLEASE TALK TO DADDY) I know what we would say: dear Santa, whatever happens, keep those disco balls spinning!

So before you say TO HECK WITH OLE SANTA CLAUS, we here at Filthy Dreams want to keep that dream spinning! SANTA, I’VE BEEN NAUGHTY! Chug down those mint martinis and don’t worry about tomorrow. I BELIEVE IN SANTA CLAUS! Santa may be watching, but he’s spinning along with the rest of us! Hang some mistletoe, keep from dry heaving, and keep on dancing! Make Christmas Great Again!