Why hello there, dearest Filthy Dreams readers! I didn’t hear you come in over my manic mixing of gelatin and mayonnaise. Come, grab yourself a glass or three of peppermint martinis. Sure, they taste like regret, but what worthwhile doesn’t, Mary.
Even though we recently published our suggestions for terrifying vintage foods for your Thanksgiving, there’s no time like the present to start making your list and checking it twice for what dish you’ll be bringing to your holiday potluck. Will it be an aspic? An unidentifiable pile of tuna slathered in cream? Suggestive (possibly votive) banana candles? The options are seemingly endless.
My personal favorite holiday vintage food tradition is a variety of foods shaped like Christmas trees. I know when I’m in the mood to nosh, I want to think I’m gnawing on an evergreen. When I’m picking pine needles off of a cocktail shrimp, it makes me feel just so outdoorsy and filled with the Christmas spirit.
The holidays are a time for family too, which is what makes these festive felonies against food so special. Why? Because an adoration of these violently nauseating vintage recipes apparently runs in my family. My mother–otherwise known as Mama on Filthy Dreams–recently found this clipping, snipped and saved by my grandmother in 1950:
This hard sauce doesn’t come from nowhere!
So gather around the Christmas tree created out of cornflakes, choke down a cranberry surprise and get ready to discover your demented December delectables. Don’t forget to thank our overlord Santa that you’ll probably never be asked to bring a dish to another holiday party again!
If nothing else, make like Betty Draper and wash it down with as many martinis as needed.