Trash

From The Filthy Dreams Kitchen: Vintage Foods To Camp Up Your Thanksgiving

My Thanksgiving dinner BETTER bounce, wobble, shimmer and shine

Well, hello there, dearest Filthy Dreams readers! Why I’m just so THANKFUL for you all! Are you ready for Turkey day? NO?! Well, Mary, what are you waiting for?

Here at Filthy Dreams, our favorite part of Thanksgiving is the panic–scurrying around liquor stores grabbing up bottles we don’t need (What if we don’t have ENOUGH!), freaking out in the middle of the grocery store and watching others hit peak holiday mania. There’s something so exhilarating about holiday-related nervous breakdowns, don’t you think?

Speaking of breakdowns, if you haven’t decided what to make for your Thanksgiving meal, then you’re in luck. This Thanksgiving eve, we’ve decided to provide you with a plethora of nauseating meal options, courtesy of vintage advertisements and recipe cards. While a standard staple of listicles everywhere, we never get tired of the stomach-churning hilarity of these vintage foods. These ads raise so many mind-boggling questions–who were they for? Did anyone think these looked good? In particular, they exemplify the sincerity of the mid-century advertising age. I can imagine Betty Draper ashing her cigarette into one of these recipes, can’t you?

Beyond the nostalgia factor, these nasty vintage foods embody our favored aesthetic: trash. These ads and recipe cards proudly boast about the then newfangled mass-produced products that only a few years later would be associated with the lowest of white trash. I mean, hot Dr. Pepper? Put some whiskey in that, honey, and sign me up!

While the gatekeepers of the art world may not consider these advertisements and recipe cards fine art, they surely look like it to me. How else could you get the color balance precisely right to shock and horrify in this manner?

So sit back with a cup of hot Dr. Pepper or maybe a (surprise!) soup shake, take a bite of your aspic and let’s go hunting for this year’s World Famous Thanksgiving dish. If you bring one of these, you’ll never have to endure the burden of being invited to Thanksgiving ever again:

Who needs that old has-been green bean casserole when you can have beans shoved in a sauce-slathered meat ring!

Surprise!

You can never too many marshmallows

Lime AND cheese, just like god intended

If a party guest becomes host to an alien life-form during your Thanksgiving dinner, I’m pretty sure you can blame this

A perfect kitchen activity for a future serial killer

I think someone got sick

Call for help

Nothing says class like Hot Dr. Pepper!

Surprises are Trumps, indeed

For when you want to eat all your Thanksgiving meal in one slab

For when you only have old broccoli and cheese in your fridge

“Perfection”

Is someone cutting onions or am I crying in the wake of this transcendent beauty?

“tingles”

It’s not easy being green

Who needs pumpkin or pecan pie this Thanksgiving? Yawn city! I want Spam Upside Down Pie

God is dead

“crusty”

I think when Nick Cave sings “We real real cool,” a puke-y pink fishy mold is what he was referencing

For those who don’t mind waiting

This Thanksgiving, give em layers upon layers of mustard

Filthy Dreams Thanksgiving tip: Create a disco inferno after burning the house down with the cranberry candles. Way more fun than regular ole sauce!

Why wait for the day after?! Be ahead of the curve and drag this over to a Thanksgiving feast

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