Ho-Ho-Ho…OH, FUCK IT! We’ve had it with you, Earthlings! It isn’t bad enough that before long, we’re all going to be stuck living together in Michigan; or that COVID-19 has made idiots out of us all. Somehow, yet there remained the slightest glimmer of hope–that is, until we were subjected this week to nurses singing right as yet another wave of COVID is suddenly making the walls close in. Not like naked boys singing, mind you! Give us some go-go boys dancing while the world burns down and we’ll pull up a chair! No, somehow, this latest attempt at inspiring the country to pull up its bootstraps was even worse than all those celebrities singing Lennon’s “Imagine” during lockdown. The sight of the Northwell Health Nurse Choir singing “We Need A Little Christmas” made us say “who gives a FAWK about Christmas!!“–on Earth, that is!

That’s right. We here at Filthy Dreams have cashed in and have secured a timeshare on Mars, thanks to the 2021 Man of the Year! Big Daddy Elon has provided us not just with a disco-studded voyage through the stars but also a cute little homestead with an eco-resilient Christmas tree. As I am sure you know, -81 degrees doesn’t exactly keep those Douglas Fir trees smelling so fresh! Anyways, while we dig around for water and brace ourselves against inclement red dust storms, we have also put together this Holiday playlist so that you, too, can feel like you’re up on the red planet Mars ready to take your last gasp of air with us! This playlist has it all: martian music, murder ballads, Christmas tunes, psychobilly, and disco! Also, if while listening, you wrinkle your nose and stomp twice, you may see Santa and his faithful reindeer in their spacesuits fly by! And isn’t that the greatest miracle of all!