“Florida is beyond the earthly; it’s spiritual,” comedian Tim Dillon reflected in a recent Patreon episode. “You cannot get rid of the idea of Florida.” He’s right. Florida is a place, sure, but even more so, it’s an idea. Many ideas, really: alligators lounging on golf courses; palm trees swaying in the beach breezes; Tennessee … Continue reading
“Let her get her condiments! Let her get her condiments!” A voice belonging to a concessions worker piped up in my favor. Not sure who or where the worker was given all the focus I could muster was trained on a plastic basket of ketchup packets. I snatched one. Two. Three. I yanked my hand … Continue reading
Someone was taking a dump in The John Waters Restrooms at the Baltimore Museum of Art. Was it an art-inspired intestinal emergency or a dedicated tribute to the filmmaker whose major public stink involved Divine sampling some doggy-doo in the filthy finale of Pink Flamingos? Or perhaps, this intrepid museum-goer previously devoured John’s chapter “Act … Continue reading
HBO’s documentary Woodstock 99: Peace, Love, and Rage, directed by Garret Price as a part of their Music Box series, seems to pose Woodstock ’99 as a seminal concert shitshow, like 1969’s Altamont, that somehow, in its dissolution into hormone-driven madness, which included chucking $4 water bottles at Wyclef Jean and The Offspring, rolling around … Continue reading
An ill-fated trip to America’s heart of darkness–Florida–that becomes a whirlwind of sex work and crime. A doomed friendship forged over stripping and text messages. A montage of the most repulsive dicks you can imagine. It’s no question that Zola, the cinematic adaptation of A’Ziah “Zola” King’s jaw-dropping and riveting 148-tweet Twitter magnum opus directed by … Continue reading
“Is it the end of an era? Is it the end of America?” Lana Del Rey answers her own questions with a semi-confident, “No. its’ only the beginning…” But, now maybe the answer is: yes? Of course, I’m talking about the Trump fanatics’ attempted coup, siege, sedition, treason, trash insurrection, whatever you want to call … Continue reading
Do the chairs in your parlor seem empty and bare (who has a parlor)? Do you gaze at your doorstep and picture me there? What I’m really trying to ask, dearest Filthy Dreams turklets, is: are you lonesome tonight? What’s that, my little gizzard and gobblers? Oh, I know, I know. Thanksgiving is just not … Continue reading
Dildo madness. If I had to sum up the past four years in two words, that would be it. Or maybe it’s completely unfair to categorize four years of viral grifts, racism, xenophobia, pussy-grabbing, Sharpie-huffing, COVID-infecting, manic-tweeting, Big Mac-engorging, Fox News-binging in relation to something that provides pleasure. However, madness seems on point. Yes, of … Continue reading
I love sleazy lawyers. Show me a poorly produced ambulance-chasing commercial filled with images of car crashes, explosions, and infernos with a sweaty man in a suit hollering about bringing down “THE HAMMER!” of justice and I’m over the moon. Maybe it has to do with growing up in Pittsburgh where memorizing a certain ad … Continue reading
Is there anything more beautiful than the dual glee and panic of a boxy silhouette of tapered jeans and blinding billowing Technicolor sweaters hurtling down a supermarket aisle as if shot from a cannon in search of a specially marked bottle of Tide? Is there anything more inspiring than a blur of Dep shellacked and … Continue reading