Emergency!!! Menergy!!!! As of 3:00 p.m. EST, like you, we here at Filthy Dreams were inundated by sudden and immediate gay thirst traps from the suspected UnitedHealth CEO shooter. Double-takes turned into triple-takes as details emerged: nabbed at a McDonald’s?? Carrying a pocket manifesto?? A twink?! Being an online troll?? Time for an EMERGENCY Filthy Dreams playlist!!!!!!!

Ryan Murphy, you old queen, step aside and let us take over. We’re thinking Cunanan on the houseboat spinning to Pink Pony Club. A BBQ with Charli xcx, and a late-night steam room with Yoko trilling in the distance. A road trip guided by fake IDs and hitchhiking with Lana Del Rey guiding the way. Going from hostel to hostel with Bryan Ferry and Roxy Music crooning each lobby worker to keep them from checking IDs. We desperately need an American crime story with a hero for these times, and this twink fits the bill. It never ends well, but we can make the road trip count. Enter legend!