My name is Andy Anderson and I am a carnivore. 

I really like the idea of being a vegetarian. I think if done right, it can be a healthy way to live. I also love animals – even though they’re often what’s for dinner. But hey…life is a paradox, right? 

I do have friends/acquaintances who identify as vegetarians, vegans, ovo-vegetarians, lacto-vegetarians, or pescatarians. And not one of my veggie-centric friends is a pain in the ass about it. They do their thing, I do mine, and no one gets into a lather about any of it.

But some of my friends’ friends? Hoo boy. Over the years, I’ve been chided for my contribution to the hole in the ozone layer, told my leather shoes were “totally unnecessary,” and made to feel like a complete asshole because I had a container of organic whole milk yogurt in the fridge.

And while the strident vegetarians of which I speak may not cause as much harm to the world as religious extremists or militant populists, they can be very, very annoying. 

So if you should ever find yourself being lectured by one of them, try the following: Look into their eyes. Gently ask if you can share a “nature poem” with them. Then recite:

“Mary had a little lamb. It was delicious.” 

They won’t bother you again. 

Or you can just close your eyes and imagine you’re one of the diners in this new cartoon. I wrote it and my arty husband Rusty drew it. Bon appétit!

Follow Andy on Instagram @andyandynyc