“Lord help me, Jesus. I’ve wasted it so help me, Jesus. I know what I am but now that I know that I’ve needed you so…help me, Jesus.” Bellowing from an adjacent restaurant, Kris Kristofferson’s plea to Christ, “Why Me” swept me away while waiting for the elevator at my Nashville hotel. No, it wasn’t … Continue reading
“Paris is a cunt.” These four simple words, muttered in a preternaturally husky rasp by pinhole-pupiled Lindsay Lohan as she snickered in the strobe light glare and high-volume snapping of paparazzi cameras outside of the Roosevelt Hotel (which is now an overstuffed migrant shelter), perfectly encapsulate the gossip rag-driven cultural moment of the 00s (or … Continue reading
I am the KING! Slicing through a grotesque staccato sludge of clashing drums, atonal piercing guitars, and obscene throbbing bass, that’s the howl that kicked off one of the most berserk televised performances, at least that I’ve ever witnessed. Clashing against a Bauhaus (the design not the band)-inspired stage set for more respectable New Wave … Continue reading
Bearded Amish men creating traffic jams in horse-drawn buggies. Shoofly pies, whoopie pies, and apple butter bake sales staffed by women in plain cotton dresses. Worn farmhouses adorned with painted barn stars. Wooden rockers and star-laden quilts. These are the quaint scenes that immediately come to my mind when considering the aesthetics of Pennsylvania Dutch … Continue reading
There is something existentially terrifying about American big-box grocery stores. Maybe it’s just me. Shamefully, I have melted down in more than a few ginormous supermarkets across the country, sniping at family members over muffins and abandoning shopping baskets in the cereal aisle in a panic. I know I’ve fashioned myself as a supporter of … Continue reading
I have a thing for freakish fast-food menu items. Always have. Back when Facebook wasn’t the platform for Boomer rage, I frequently amused myself by putting up the latest in chain publicity stunt psychosis for group consensus. Looking back, KFC’s Famous Bowl, a glop of every conceivable menu item, from chicken to mashed potatoes to … Continue reading
Our new Bible (all photos by moi) Susan Sontag may have written the most renowned and widely considered definitive consideration of camp, but let’s be honest, Susie could not be camp if her public intellectual life depended on it. Regarding the Pain of Others, Illness as Metaphor, or even, On Photography aren’t exactly laugh riots! … Continue reading
Blame it on the cum shot. That’s all it took for me to fall permanently and irrevocably in love with HBO’s widely loathed, universally mocked, critically maligned, and now-officially canceled and “canceled” show The Idol, created by Euphoria‘s Sam Levinson, Abel Tesfaye aka The Weeknd, and Reza Fahim, all of whom have been unfairly raked … Continue reading
I’ve recently experienced a religious conversion—become born-again if you will. At least where art is concerned. For decades I avoided Medieval art like the plague due to (what I felt at the time was) its revolting connection to Christianity at its most conservative, a kneejerk response after reading too much Christopher Hitchens as a contrarian … Continue reading
I’ve recently been suffering from a fever. No, not that kind of fever. I’ve been struck with a Thomas Kinkade fever! Yes, the less-than-esteemed painter of shopping mall schlock (before the fall of malls) and the bane of snotty critics recoiling at the satiated bad tastebuds of Americans enamored with all those little queasily quaint … Continue reading