Hark! Who goes there! Is that you, ghost of Christmas shopping mall past? Stepping out of the fluorescent glow of a shopping mall department store, Filthy Dreams’ Muzak Wish List Music Playlist has at long last crashed into the season like a Macy’s shopping bag full of discounted sweaters and gift wrap. Who says nostalgia isn’t a good thing? At some point, someone has to stand up and state the obvious: online shopping is boring. Doomscrolling for sales has had her day: it’s time for a trip to see shopping mall Saint Nick! This isn’t just another playlist — it’s the long-lost holy grail of Holiday Muzak!
From the syrupy embrace of “Sleigh Bell Sensations” to the frantic chimes of “Holiday in a Hurry,” each track bleeds into the next, taking you back to blissful memories of running around shopping mall with a half-dozen bags in both arms. By the time “Here Comes Santa Claus” drifts in, you’ll find yourself stranded among the endless Muzak-infused holiday bells, organs, and hymns you never knew you needed.
So says shopping mall Scrooge: “I will honor Christmas in my heart, and try to keep it all the year. I will live in the Past, the Present, and the Future. The Spirits of all [MUZAK] Three shall strive within me!”