This might be the worst idea I’ve ever had…or the best. I’ll be honest with you, dearest Filthy Dreams readers, my new (and only) hobby is tweeting, commenting and writing in the style and cadence of President-elect and “ratings machine” Donald Trump’s tweets. You can explain it away as gallows humor, catharsis, laughing in the face of evil or what not, but it’s just goddamn fun. I’m sorry, I can’t stop. They say the first step is admitting you have a problem. But, screw that, let’s get more people involved.

“Laugh and you are free” is an often quoted Charles Ludlam-ism here at Filthy Dreams and with that in mind, faithful Filthy Dreams readers, I’m going to announce the Filthy Dreams First Annual Donald J. Trump Tweet Writing Competition. Taking inspiration from The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest, which asks for the worst ever opening sentence, we’d like you to send us the best/worst/most embarrassing Trump-like tweet you can think of. That’s right, y’all, send me your tweets.

Rules: Do I even have to explain this? 140 characters. The subjects should be insulting, egomaniacal, unconstitutional or downright crazy. You can chose to either tweet at Trump and the Republicans or really barrel down and tweet at the Democrats, Hillary, Arnold, and anyone else Trump decides to launch at usually around 7am. You’re allowed multiple entries too.

Deadline: In time for Inauguration Day, the deadline is January 20, 2017. As America picks a new leader, Filthy Dreams will try to pick one too. We’ll let everyone know the winner soon after.

Prize: Bragging Rights. Jesus, what do you think we are, made of money! I don’t even have that grant check yet, ok?! And in Trump’s America, bragging IS currency. We’ll plaster your name and tweet all over the site and I’ll probably forget to take it down until long after the impact has worn off. And ok ok…we’ll donate $50 to Planned Parenthood in your name (which you can and should do regardless. Come on).

How To Submit: Send us your tweets in email form at hellofilthydreams@gmail.com make sure you include your name and contact. You can also send us an emailed screenshot of you tweeting AT Trump himself as an added bonus. Let’s annoying the crap out of him.

If you don’t know the style of Trump’s tweets, here are a few examples of mine:

Let the games, BEGIN!